Who I Am

Hi All!! This is the very first time I have ever blogged. I have friends who do this, but I never thought I'd do it myself. Mainly because I never felt I had much to say about myself.

However, upon taking a class at Cal State East Bay this semester, Women of Color by Professor Calvo, I decided to take on a different form of expression, which is blogging, of course.

Through this, I can express my feelings, opinions, political statements, and so forth. I look forward to meeting people, having people read my posts as I will do likewise.

So let's begin. Who I am.
Ethnically, I am an Asian. I have experienced racism, barriers for both Asian and American-born. Sometimes I really feel torn being Asian and American-born. What I mean by this is, when people see me, they don't see me as an American. They see me as someone who is foreign. Because I am in America, my chinese speaking skills isn't as good as I'd like it to be. I love my native language and culture for the most part. But at times, I don't like it when relatives or others ask me to translate for them or expect me to read documents or paperwork because "we're the same people." Is it just me? Or when people have certain expectations of you because you're born in America, so that means you should be excellent at english, or know the entire American culture. Sometimes I'm upset at myself because I can't find certain words to explain situations. That might just be me though. I have spoke to a friend once, and he completely understood what I mean, about helping those who claim we are "the same people."
Anyhow, it is complicated at times. Because as an "A.B.C" (American-Born Chinese), those who are born overseas don't view you as one of them. Ironically, the people don't view you as an American being born in America.
To steer away from the ethnic part of this, who am I really. I'm just an average gal, trying to make a living. I hope to do the best that I can in all that I do. Sometimes, I could also be careless. Sometimes I feel I matured at a young age, other times I'm more immature than a 10 year old. Growing up, I had so much difficulty dealing with my older brothers. Everyone says that as the only girl and the baby, you are spoiled. That's completely opposite of my story. I was bullied by my brothers, and one of them was especially jealous of me as we grew up. I never understood why. But I recall at a young age, maybe 3 or 4... the first time he bullied me. I was in the bathroom and he came in and pushed me. I didn't know why. For the next 12-14 years were hell. In the last 10 years, I completely forgot about those times because I had forgiven him. But when I think back again, back back to a long time ago, I think "wow.... he was really an asshole" (excuse my language). And then I get a little bit upset, i.e. "why did I let him bully me?" I really should have kicked his a-s-s. Anyhow, back to other things. I think I will continue next time. I feel I have a lot more to say. It's getting late now, and I need my rest.

Thanks for reading.