Sexuality

I wanted to be well rounded, and so far since I haven't talked about sexuality, I will now.

I remember a few years ago, about a few young gay girls waiting at a bus stop, as one of them were killed brutally by two men upon learning they were lesbians. I remember being shocked, because this girl was very young. Tender age of 15 to be exact. I searched online,
and found some information. Her name was Sakia Gunn, she died May 11, 2003 in Newark. I wonder sometimes, what kind of world do we live in? Why did this man kill her? I think some men cannot handle rejection, and upon hearing women's sexuality as excuses in their heads, as in having no interest - men get upset and violent. One women who wrote about Sakia's story, Alicia Banks, http://femmenoir.net/?p=527, believes Sakia to be butch, and feels safer than butch sisters, in that, femme lesbians, are more feminine thereby not being as noticeable to those who don't know them. Then I thought about it. My friend's friend, is butch. I'll call her Mimi since I do not want to use her real name. I met Mimi about 5 years ago, and as soon as I saw her, I knew she was gay. She was petite, but very manly... she had short black hair, she dressed like males (basic white button shirts, black slacks), and when she talked, it sounded like she was purposely, with force, trying to make her voice sound deeper. One time, we ate at a restaurant where she served as waitress. It was in the Castro (San Francisco), and I recalled a customer asking her for something. As Mimi walked away, I heard the customer say "He or she? I can't tell..." and they laughed it off. I just thought that was so rude, and to say such a thing when you're in the Castro? Come on! Am I just being sensitive? I think butches are definitely more noticed and attacked on more, verbally or mentally, and in some sad cases, physically.. .as in Sakia's story. I think it's sad that in this day in age, people are still so homophobic. My other friend is bisexual. She was very open about it when she told me. I was openly there to accept her for who she is. I just found out one of my close friends, who I've known for close to 15 years is bisexual. Now that.. I found strange, the fact that she never told me and I found out through someone else who is not as close to her as I should be. Nonetheless, in my opinion, I think the way the world should be, is that you are accepted for who you are and to not be bashed because you don't fit in with the norms. We all would like equality, equity, but there will always be an imbalance. Imbalance or not, I think we should all at least show respect to each other, as humans living coexisting in this world together. Stop the bashing, stop the hatred, stop the violence, just stop. To those who have ever been mean to others because they were trying to be themselves, please learn to show respect as you would like it to be given to you. This includes me.. I'll be honest, I have been mean to people... but over the years, I've learned a lot. As diverse as we are, whether it's race, sexuality, religion, I think we all should hear what others have to say before closing the doors in faces.

Breast Cancer, In Honor of Those

I decided to write a post, for my Professor Luz Calvo in honor for her courageous battle with breast cancer, and for the many who have successfully recovered from this horrible disease, those who are currently facing it, and those who know of women with it, and those who have died from it. Upon taking the class Women of Color, Ethnic Studies 3730 at Cal State East Bay,
I felt I have learned so much about what women face, ranging from culture barriers, sexual violence, patriarchy, heteronormativity, cultural barriers and struggles, reproductive justice, health disparity, political forces for women of sexual abuse and violence such as Sista II Sista, as the list goes on. Breast cancer is definitely on topic that hits home, as many women are faced with this horrible disease.

Upon reading "Rock Paper Swords" blogspot, I was very inspired by her 2/11/07 post. She was in an uproar about breast cancer -- the pink ribbon that is supposed to represent breast cancer, which in a way is going by societal standards that pink is for girls, blue is for boys. Nonetheless, a good point is made that breast cancer is like a "feel good social cause" and how it's used as marketing to sell items. It's so true that items from yogurt to tennis rackets to t-shirts - are advertised for the cause of breast cancer, but a marketing ploy to get more people to buy from companies. Rock Paper Swords .. what she says is powerful!! "Here's what breast cancer looks like: it looks like thin, sickly women, their bodies ravaged by chemotherapy, bald, with dark circles around their eyes, delirious from the effects of painkillers. It looks like children mourning the death of their mothers. It looks like shivering, and months of crippling nausea. It looks like buying the thickest socks you can find because chemotherapy makes you fucking cold. It looks like hospital beds and morphine drips and giving up. " http://rockpaperswords.blogspot.com/2007/02/fuck-cancer.html

I wish that there could be a cure today for breast cancer. We do need to let the public be aware that women die from breast cancer, and it's not a cancer that is prettier than others based on how it's publicized and covered up with pink. At the same note, bring more awareness and funds to research for the cure aids, as numbers show that the mortality rates have dropped. Women need to learn how to do the monthly self exam breast checks, get mammograms. The sooner the diagnosis, the higher the chance to cure.

bfp-disabled and colored, health disparity

bfp brought up a good posting on colored people with disabilities
http://brownfemipower.com/?p=1136#comment-27406.
I mentioned that I had a friend who came from a poorer Asian country, with a brother who had polio. This brought up the whole idea that those who live in poorer countries, lack better healthcare access therefore cannot prevent the diseases when it comes. This brings up a related topic of health disparity, where there is inequality in provide equal healthcare to all individuals.
Colored women who lack healthcare access are prone to fatality and less improvement on health outcomes over white women, for example in breast cancer, although white women have higher number of diagnosis. This definitely shows the line between those living in poverty and those who have money to have better healthcare to prevent diseases, and catching them early on and having treatment.

bfp provide another powerful blog on Priscilla Huang (from reproductive justice project director at National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum) presentation re: asian women and the plague of asians being labled the "model minority" as it is problematic and giving the notion that all asians are healthy, rich, and educated. as this myth masks health disparities faced. there are many statistics provided on asian women, for example, 54% Korean women have never had a pap smear test, Vietnamese Americans have 5 times chance greater than white women for cervical cancer, asian pacific island women between 15-24 and over 65 have highest suicide rates in the country, etc. http://brownfemipower.com/?p=1134

From this all, I would like to conclude and bring light to the inequitiness of those who are not able to care or have access to healthcare to better prevent diseases. There is a definite line showing the unfairness of those who cannot provide better for themselves versus those who are more financially able to live healthier lives. There has to be change.

Blog re: Muslims Raping Muslim Women

I searched upon some blogs, to get more insight of people around the blogworld, their thinkings, notions of the world we live in, in respect to women of color, issues and barriers faced, sexuality/gender issues. I found a blog titled "Muslims Raping Muslim Women," and upon reading this, reminded me so much of a reading in our class from Josephine Negrete Mendez "Las Hijas De Juan," where women in certain cultures have to live under the male domination in patriarchical societies. In this blog, it mentions muslim women hiding rapes in honor and for taboo reasons. Women don't report attacks because they are afraid to tell about it to "lose face" for their fathers and family.

"Muslims have a saying: Keep your father's face clean... do only what your father can be proud of" http://www.peres-fondateurs.com/~freedom/?p=255 .

In regards to getting help, “In Muslim families there can be a conception that the state is a foreign element. the state shall not deal with inspection, help, care etc. At the same time we have to deal with a violating and shameful act in the community where family loyalty is the basic premise. Women’s actions affect the family’s honor and therefore she wishes probably to conceal it.” When I read that, I thought "woah.. what is that?" I understand that women who are brought up in a family with strong traditions/culture face many standards and rules. It is so difficult and unfair women have to be subjected to "respecting" their family, by self-sacrificing themselves. "Some women believe that rape is part of man's acceptable rights" as the blog reports. This is some very deep stuff. And that those who dress with less clothing are asking to get raped, it's not at the fault of the attacker. Why is it that the ones who take our such crimes have reasons to do it at the fault of the women? It does not make sense. Would anyone like to comment?

Chinaman? Racial Hate?

The other day, media mogul and philanthropist Ted Turned used the term "Chinaman" during an live interview in front of thousands of people in San Francisco. In his words,
"The Chinese are very smart. Just think: Have you ever met a dumb Chinaman?"
Turner claims to not have known that "Chinaman" was a deragatory term towards Asians.
When I tried to find more information on it, it was funny how very few websites in America reported this incident. However, I found strings and strings of links written in Chinese. Of course, the Chinese are sensitive because they are Chinese. I am Chinese, too and was a bit shocked when I saw this on a Chinese television channel and his use of this term. But I do suspect that he didn't know it was a deragatory term because this could affect him negatively, and potentially as a racist. So it makes me wonder, about how people who oppose to certain words, acts, behaviors, seem to always have sensitivity and want to be responsive. Living in America seems like you have the freedom to do or say anything that you want. But that's not the case, because if you did or say what you want.. you'll be in hot water. This turns to the recent case about a column writer for AsianWeek who wrote a piece on "Why I Hate Blacks." This was definitely an uproar. I visited some websites to get more information about it:

http://blogher.org/node/16195

http://www.hyphenmagazine.com/blog/archives/2007/02/asianweek_takes.html

I was shocked how AsianWeek allowed this to be published. I believed it caused a lot of hurt and misrepresentation for all Asians.

Japanese Americans - WWII

The other day, I watched a documentary about Japanese Americans being held in relocation/internment camps during the WWII era.
And this brought up the entire racial and undemocratic values in controversey.
1) Because of their ethnic background, skin colors, Japanese were not treated as
Americans. They were the outsiders.
2) When they were taken away, their Constitutional rights were taken and were not
given due process.
This shows the unfair treatment towards them during this tragic time.
Families were torn apart, those who worked hard basically lost all that they had.
The interesting part about this documentary was that there were two camps that
were created in Arksansas, in unwanted dump/wasteland.
Arkansas during that time was very segregated between whites and black. Then, to
have a new population come in, the people who lived their felt inferior and scared.
However, because the Japanese Americans worked hard in camp, they became their
own community and teachers began to go to the camps to teach, they began making
money from lumbar/labor. The white and black people who lived their began to get
very jealous of the special treatment they had. One lady recalled "here we were poor
and did not have much good food to eat. Then the Japanese had ham. We never got
to eat ham even on special occasions. They took away our teachers, our jobs." Then
there was a Japanese American man who said that he got on the bus and didn't know
where to sit. He sat in the back where it was labled "colored people" but the bus driver
told him to sit in the front and that the back was only for "black" people. His eyes teared
up and it made me feel so sad.
The outrageous part that really ticked me off was that the government had the audacity
to ask them to enlist themselves in the army/war to prove their loyalty as Americans.
And to get out of camp, they had to complete a questionnaire that asked whether or
not they believe or show respect toward their own ethnic emperors/powers in Japan.

So, in a so called "democratic society" democracy really was not practiced for the Japanese
Americans.

Who I Am

Hi All!! This is the very first time I have ever blogged. I have friends who do this, but I never thought I'd do it myself. Mainly because I never felt I had much to say about myself.

However, upon taking a class at Cal State East Bay this semester, Women of Color by Professor Calvo, I decided to take on a different form of expression, which is blogging, of course.

Through this, I can express my feelings, opinions, political statements, and so forth. I look forward to meeting people, having people read my posts as I will do likewise.

So let's begin. Who I am.
Ethnically, I am an Asian. I have experienced racism, barriers for both Asian and American-born. Sometimes I really feel torn being Asian and American-born. What I mean by this is, when people see me, they don't see me as an American. They see me as someone who is foreign. Because I am in America, my chinese speaking skills isn't as good as I'd like it to be. I love my native language and culture for the most part. But at times, I don't like it when relatives or others ask me to translate for them or expect me to read documents or paperwork because "we're the same people." Is it just me? Or when people have certain expectations of you because you're born in America, so that means you should be excellent at english, or know the entire American culture. Sometimes I'm upset at myself because I can't find certain words to explain situations. That might just be me though. I have spoke to a friend once, and he completely understood what I mean, about helping those who claim we are "the same people."
Anyhow, it is complicated at times. Because as an "A.B.C" (American-Born Chinese), those who are born overseas don't view you as one of them. Ironically, the people don't view you as an American being born in America.
To steer away from the ethnic part of this, who am I really. I'm just an average gal, trying to make a living. I hope to do the best that I can in all that I do. Sometimes, I could also be careless. Sometimes I feel I matured at a young age, other times I'm more immature than a 10 year old. Growing up, I had so much difficulty dealing with my older brothers. Everyone says that as the only girl and the baby, you are spoiled. That's completely opposite of my story. I was bullied by my brothers, and one of them was especially jealous of me as we grew up. I never understood why. But I recall at a young age, maybe 3 or 4... the first time he bullied me. I was in the bathroom and he came in and pushed me. I didn't know why. For the next 12-14 years were hell. In the last 10 years, I completely forgot about those times because I had forgiven him. But when I think back again, back back to a long time ago, I think "wow.... he was really an asshole" (excuse my language). And then I get a little bit upset, i.e. "why did I let him bully me?" I really should have kicked his a-s-s. Anyhow, back to other things. I think I will continue next time. I feel I have a lot more to say. It's getting late now, and I need my rest.

Thanks for reading.